Day 5 of 21 "Pioneer"

Arise and Shine for the glory of the Lord has risen among you - Isaiah 60

I'm hearing the word 'Pioneering.'  What is the official definition of that word?

I am a Pioneer in my family.  I am a Pioneer in my sphere of influence.  God has set me aside.  He has taught me things by His Spirit that I did not know about. 

The purpose of being a Pioneer is not for your life, but for other's lives and for your children, and their children and all of God's precious treasures that he places in your life; sons and daughters!

I did not grow up in a 'normal' family.  My family consisted of my sister and I.  At times living with my grandma, other times living with my mother.  I did not have a father.  I was fatherless.  I did not have an active mother in my life.  She was sick...all the time.  She was medically diagnosed with a variety of clinical mental disorders. 

My childhood dream was to grow up and become a mother.  My goal was to be the bi-polar opposite of what life had shown me a mother to be.  I'm so truly thankful that I completely gave my life to the Lord at 21 years old.  I became a mother at age 25.  I was so unexperienced.  My only inclination was do the complete opposite of what was familiar to me.  I found myself continually on my knees crying out to God to help me and show me how to mother.  He faithfully spoke to me and taught me how to fill that role.  I was a pioneer in my family.  My children will never, ever know the pain and hardships I knew.  For that, I know, my life has gone before and prepared and opened up the way for Godly mothers to follow in my bloodline.  Thank you, Father, for loving a wretch like me!!!

When you are found by God; broken, bruised, shattered, destroyed, naked, ashamed, wrecked, violated, abused, neglected, dead inside....there is a lot of resurrection and healing that needs to occur to make the broken pieces of what was once called a life; into something that resembles that distant shadow.  I began laying down every hidden, splintered piece of my fractured-smashed life before His throne.  I now see myself as a new creation.  A mosaic masterpiece crafted by the Great Artisan's hands. 

When I envision what my broken life must have looked liked to the Lord.  I picture the shattered shards of my life similar to the picture on the left.  Always meant to have color and purpose, but dangerous to touch.  Potentially causing harm to the person trying to pick any of it up.  That was the case in my late teenage years.  Broken people, break people.  Hurt people, hurt people.  I was a broken mess.

The Lord found me in the refuse of my life.  He began picking up each piece of my broken life and making sense of it to me.  I'm thankful that he walked with me each step of the way. 

 

I now envision my life as the 2nd picture to the left.  My life has been repurposed to worship and please him.  My life is not my own.  My eyes are continually lifted up to where my help comes from.  My life is a dance with the lover of my soul.  When he says move to the left, I am compelled to move to the left.  When He says move to the right, I move to the right. 

Pioneering is something that I didn't sign up for; but was always destined for.  Day 5 of 21 of this Daniel Fast reminds me of living a life of isolation.  Since birth, I have been alone.  Neither parent nurtured me.  My grandma worked two and three jobs.  Loneliness was my friend.  Childhood, I had no choice, as I grew I began choosing not to be alone.  Adulthood, I find myself not caring if I look like a fool or standing out in a crowd.  As a child of God, I soon realized this had all been training.  When the Lord tells you to do something, it will not rate high in popularity.  In my experience, the Lord would tell me to do something and I would look to the left, to the right, behind me, in front of me and not seeing people in my sphere doing the same thing.  The impression was that God was, once again, using my life to pioneer my sphere of influence.

The specific example I will give is the first time I was crying out to the Lord for justice in my personal life.  He spoke to me and said, 'Do a Daniel Fast.'  I said, 'A what?'  At that time, in my culture, it was not a common thing to FAST.  The Lord told me to read the book of Daniel.  I walked away preparing my mind, heart, and flesh that we were gonna do this thing.  I started with 10 days not eating from the 'King's table.' (Daniel 1:8).  It was hard the first few days, but by the time you begin to establish a habit, it becomes second nature.  However, that flesh of mine cried out for things that I never typically desired.  "O, flesh, look, there's a Crispy Creme donuts....ooooo donuts...let's stop...the light is on...they're even free!"  This entire inner monologue is conversing as I'm spectating and rationalizing that I don't really even like donuts. 

I made it through the first 10 day Daniel Fast.  Then the Lord said, read Daniel 10.  As I read it, I knew he was challenging me to move onto a 21 day Daniel Fast.  Meanwhile, I must emphasize, at that time in my life, I had no knowledge that books were even out there regarding Daniel Fasts.  This was all new territory for me.  I was walking by faith.  I didn't know about all the health blogs or health benefits of the Daniel Fast.  I was simply obeying Holy Spirit. 

In 2005, a friend and I decided to do the Daniel Fast together.  At that time, I blogged daily on Myspace.  We would blog daily about what God was showing us for our nation, how to pray, etc...I would post progress and revelations in my blog.

On Thursday, May 5, 2005, I received a very harsh message from someone in regards to my Daniel Fast.  I am sharing this because when you Pioneer, you need to EXPECT opposition; especially when it is a God-thing!

Kandi,

A friend sent me an e-mail about you and your fast.  I consider myself to be spiritually connected to God and I think your e-mail to be blasphemy.  I have attended a Presbyterian church service all my life and pray always.  I don't understand why you would go on a 21 day fast of fruit.  Are U crazy?  This is not bible times.  I believe you are taking the bible at a literal sense that is not intended for our times.  I am an educated individual.  I am a teacher and also a Christian and felt it necessary to email you.  I was disturbed by your email.  My God is not your God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you need to remember that we are in different times and GOD understands our present situation and circumstances.  I encourage you to keep praying and a fast is not a bad idea but you need to realize that your kids need a competent mother who can make sound decisions that will effect them for the rest of their lives! A mother who is on a 21 day fast is not able to care for God's most treasured!  I also feel the need to let you in on something, referring to God as Daddy is so disrespectful!  He is to be honored in every respect.  people have their own views but yours disturb me.  You sound like an extremist.  If I'm wrong feel free to write back and convince me but as of now I am disturbed by your rambling.

The accuser of the brethren accused me in every single weak area of my life through this rebuttal.  'Are u Crazy?'  I didn't want to be like my mom!  'Your kids need a competent mother.'  I didn't want to be like my mom! 'My God is not your God!' (TRUTH!!!!) 'You referring to God as Daddy is so disrespectful!'  I was FATHERLESS! 'You sound like an extremist!'  (TRUTH!!!) Once again, running into my ABBA DADDY's arms...He comforted me and poured his amazing love and grace over and into me and filled my mouth with love and wisdom as I responded to my critic.

That was 11 years ago.  Daniel Fasts are not only the 'thing' now, but doctors enforce them because of the health benefits to our bodies.  But when we are pioneering, this kind of reaction is to be expected!  It's funny because the Daniel Fast wasn't so much about being healthy physically, it was I wanted to hear from God.  I wanted to see him move on my behalf.  I wanted to empty myself out and rid myself of spiritual toxins that kept me unhealthy and unable to receive from him.  The response to this critic was exactly that...It was his response...filled with love, wisdom and grace.  She never responded back to my reply. 

Are you a pioneer in your family or in your sphere of influence?  Have you had nothing but resistance as your pave the way for others to follow you?  If so, you are right where you need to be at the right time in your life.

Father,
I thank you for the gift of trail blazing a way for others to follow.  I thank you for blueprints and strategies from heaven.  I pray for a release of new innovative ideas and spiritual weapons that are from your heart.  May you fill us with the strength to complete each task you set us out to do and your great grace to accomplish it.  I thank you that as we rid ourselves of toxins in our lives, you fill us to overflowing with the newness of your Spirit and health is our portion in every area of our lives.  We love you, Lord.  You are beautiful and Great!  Thank you for strength in our weaknesses.  Even as John the Baptist prepared the way for Jesus and lived a life of wild adventure,  prepare our hearts to live to complete abandonment to where you want to lead us and blaze trails for your kingdom to come!